" T H E  R E D  R O S E
W H I S P E R S  O F  P A S S I O N,
A N D  T H E  W H I T E  R O S E
B R E A T H E S  O F  L O V E.
O,  T H E  R E D  R O S E
I S  A  F A L C O N,
A N D  T H E  W H I T E  R O S E
I S  A  D O V E ."
John Boyle O'Reilly

" B U T  N E ' E R  T H E  R O S E
W I T H O U T
T H E  T H O R N."
Robert Herrick

" T H E  B E S T  R O S E  B U S H,
A F T E R  A L L,
I S  N O T  T H A T  W H I C H
H A S  T H E  F E W E S T
T H O R N S,
B U T  T H A T  W H I C H
B E A R S  T H E
F I N E S T  R O S E S."
Henry Van Dyke

Mary has been working with a group of women to create an exhibition called Inside the Dress. It is an exploration of their interior processes in order to gain a deeper sense of themselves. Mary is incorporating the perspectives of others in her work because she believes there is much to learn about herself from other's experience of her. She has asked a number of people to describe a quality they each see in her and to choose a symbol that reflects that quality. So that is what I have done in the following essay.

Mary Sullivan Holdgrafer is a woman of Irish descent with a love of roses. My mind goes to the Irish story of the Briar and the Rose that is the origin of the Tom Waits song lyrics including:

 I picked the rose one early morn,
 I pricked my finger on a thorn,
They'd grown so close,
Their winding wove,
The briar and the rose.

The briar refers to plants with thorns but it is most specific to the sweetbrier that is, in fact, a rose. It is the wild rose of Europe. The sweetbrier has been cultivated and naturalized to North America. It has a fragrant foliage with attractive pink blossoms. So the briar and rose are one, integrated and inseparable.

The rose is one of the oldest plant species, originating, according to folklore, as Earth's response to the beauty of the goddess Venus emerging from the Sea. It is also said that thorns appeared on the rose only after Adam and Even left the Garden of Eden.

And thorns are often seen as symbols of personal pain and hardship. Painful experiences offer opportunities for developing increased personal strength and resilience and in fact, plants with thorns are typically very hardy.

Although they are recommended as a defense of our gardens against intruders, thorny plants provide an important refuge as a welcome to our fine-feathered friends. People too, are drawn specifically to roses; often to stop and enjoy their fragrance, as a metaphor for how to best live life. Roses have often been a source of inspiration in arts and culture.

They have a presence that seems to set them apart from other plants. Roses exemplify the life process. The thorns are physical emblems of the pain and hardships that have been endured as part of growing and continuing to bloom. The contrast between the beauty of the petals and bitter pain of the thorns so clearly defines the duality of life experience.

I think of Mary as a rose. She bears the physical emblems of past pain and hardship and has been a model for transforming those experiences into opportunities for personal growth and strength. She has the wisdom of an "old soul", one who has graced the Earth since ancient times, much like the rose. Her earthiness is reflected in her cultivation, nurturing and deep caring for others and a strong need to have the same for herself from others.

Others often are drawn to her for her insights. They have come to know her as one who speaks her sharp mind with little ambiguity, but with an intention to be a steadfast, supportive and often, inspiring presence. She seems to know when to poke and when to pat in order to help others who have snagged themselves on a thorn. She handles others with care and, like the rose, she wants to be handled with care.

Mary likes the sun, as do roses. She looks for sun in people's experience when they may only see the dark of the shaded side. It is her nature to be positive. As she sat in distress in post-breast cancer surgery, now many years ago, Mary looked outside and saw that it was a beautiful sunny day. She felt the warmth and rekindling of her own strong and resilient spirit.

Helping others seek the sun is a gift she is always willing to give. The shift from the bitter to the beautiful is so nicely summarized in the song lyrics from The Rose below:

Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose.

Mary is a person of gratitude, for all the gifts she has in her life. She would never grumble that roses have thorns, but would be thankful that thorns have roses (my gratitude for this poetic twist by Alphonse Karr). And so she continues to bloom in the midst of a winding weave with the inevitable briar of life. She has brought the petals and the pain together as an integrated whole in her healing journey.