Recently I have been thinking about the paucity of rituals in my life. Rituals mark special events (e.g., holidays, graduations or retirements) and passages (e.g., births, marriages and deaths). They also provide a routine in our daily lives. I believe that ritual has the potential to create memories, teach important lessons and nurture our souls.

According to the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language the definitions of ritual include: a ceremonial act or a series of such acts; the performance of such acts; a detailed method of procedure faithfully or regularly followed; a state or condition characterized by the presence of established procedure or routine.

" T H E R E  I S  A  T I M E
F O R  T H E  L A B O R  O F
D I G G I N G  A N D  M I X I N G
T H E   E A R T H S ,  A  T I M E
F O R  T H E  H E A T  O F  F I R E ,
A N D  A  T I M E  F O R
C O N T E M P L A T I N G
W H A T  I S  D O N E . "
Cecilia Davis Cunningham


" E V E R Y B O D Y  G E T S  S O
M U C H  I N F O R M A T I O N
A L L  D A Y  L O N G  T H A T
T H E Y  L O S E  T H E I R
C O M M O N  S E N S E. "
Gertrude Stein


" A D O P T  T H E  P A C E
O F  N A T U R E . "
Ralph Waldo Emerson


" G R A C E  O R  T H E  T A O ,
S U R R O U N D S  U S
A L W A Y S .  W H E N E V E R
W E  A R E  O P E N  T O  I T
F O R  A  M O M E N T ,
 I T  E N T E R S  I N T O  U S . "
Herman Hesse


" I N  T H E  E V E N I N G
I  G O  U P  I N  T H E  D E S E R T
A N D  S P E N D  H O U R S
W A T C H I N G  T H E  S U N
G O  D O W N ,  J U S T
E N J O Y I N G  I T ,
A N D  E V E R Y  D A Y
I  G O  O U T  A N D  W A T C H
I T  A G A I N .
I   D R A W  S O M E  A N D
T H E R E  I S  A  L I T T L E
P A I N T I N G  A N D  S O
T H E  D A Y S  G O  B Y . "
Georgia O'Keefe


" M Y  S O U L  C A N  F I N D
N O  S T A I R C A S E  T O
H E A V E N  U N L E S S  I T
B E  T H R O U G H  E A R T H ' S
L O V E L I N E S S . "
Michelangelo


" M A Y  Y O U  L I V E  A L L
T H E  D A Y S  O F  Y O U R
L I F E . "
Jonathan Swift


" I T  I S  P R E O C C U P A T I O N
W I T H  P O S S E S S I O N S ,
M O R E  T H A N  A N Y T H I N G
E L S E ,  T H A T  P R E V E N T S
U S  F R O M  L I V I N G  F R E E L Y
A N D  N O B L Y . "
Joseph Campbell


" I F  A  C H I L D  I S  T O
K E E P  A L I V E  H I S  I N B O R N
S E N S E  O F  W O N D E R
W I T H O U T  A N Y  S U C H
G I F T  F R O M  T H E
F A I R I E S ,  H E  N E E D S
T H E  C O M P A N I O N S H I P
O F  A T  L E A S T  O N E
A D U L T  T O  S H A R E  I T ,
R E D I S C O V E R I N G  W I T H
H I M  T H E  J O Y ,
E X C I T E M E N T  A N D
M Y S T E R Y  O F  T H E  W O R L D
W E  L I V E  I N . "
Rachel Carson


" I F  T H E  O N L Y  P R A Y E R
Y O U  E V E R  S A Y  I N  Y O U R
W H O L E  L I F E  I S
" T H A N K  Y O U , "  
T H A T  W O U L D  S U F F I C E . "
Meister Eckhart


" T H E R E  A R E  H U N D R E D S
O F  W A Y S  T O  K N E E L
A N D  K I S S  T H E
G R O U N D . "
Rumi

I no longer belong to a formal religion. Holiday celebrations and even Sunday family dinners have become less focused as our children have established their own homes and families. A few days ago my husband Gary had a birthday but we delayed celebrating until a more convenient time.

I am sad that we have become so disengaged from important rituals in our lives. I believe it is because we have become too busy. Sometimes I think we value "things" more than relationships. We have forgotten the pleasure from time spent in simple pursuits. In my mentoring work I often hear from clients about how they cling to traditional events, which they hate. There are also people who make plans a week in advance to see their partners. There are families who rarely eat together because their children are involved in so many activities.

In all this busy-ness it is easy to lose site of the things we say we value most. I value time with my family, working in my studio and my garden and time with friends. I am always happiest when I can maintain sufficient balance in my life to include the things and people I value most.

Gary and I are committed to including some simple rituals in our daily routine. We spend time each day reading and talking in front of the fire because recognize the importance of sharing our ideas and learning together. We play two killer games of double solitaire to honour our competitive spirits. We go to exercise classes and take walks together as a way to recognize the importance of taking care of our aging bodies. These activities take little time, but ensure that we stay connected.

In workshops I lead I often talk about intention, focus and will. I believe they are essential elements required to more us forward in our lives. Certainly they are required for the conduct of a practice of family rituals. Intention is not sufficient. Your mother probably told you that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. Focus and will actually enable you to organize yourself and to move forward.

Gary and I have found a new impetus for creating and preserving rituals in our roles as grandparents. When our grand girls come to visit they have expectations based on past rituals. They know that I am the grandma who will make crafts and sew with them. They know that Gary and I will read to them and play cards and board games with them. They know we will have special food for them (especially cookies in our bed when they sleep over). We hope that they will use these experiences to create memories for themselves.

The lessons learned from family rituals may be unique to a particular family or they may be part of a larger tradition. Gary has a fond memory of his father making oyster stew on Christmas Eve. He didn't actually like the stew, but he treasures the memory of his dad taking part in the preparation of a traditional German holiday meal. I think the stew symbolizes the many important lessons that Gary learned from his father.

Sometimes rituals are used to mark important passages. Formally we do this with events such as weddings and funerals. By joining as a community we can recognize and honour significant events in our lives. Celebrations of all sorts can become more powerful when shared or witnessed.

Less formally and more personally I give thanks for every day. I often write in my journal as a way to reflect on the events in my life. I make personal altars and I create art as a ritual to mark the happenings and learning of my life. These are the things that nurture my soul.

Creating rituals helps us to mark both mundane and monumental events in our lives. It is easy to neglect rituals in our busy lives, but significant memories and important lessons are often embedded in simple rituals. Let us all take time to create more rituals