Being creative takes courage and humour. This is something I have known for a long time. However, I was reminded recently when I attended Brent Tyson's voice recital. He did a spectacular job performing before a group of friends. What I noticed was that he had fun and the audience happily joined him.

I think of myself as courageous. I am willing to confront most anything. I can tackle big problems, strategize effectively, persist and find solutions. My failure is that I approach most challenges too seriously. I think I miss many opportunities to have fun. Perhaps I am missing the "fun gene."

My own creative work is demanding. I enjoy the process, but I don't think of it as fun.  When I exhibit my work I think I am always gracious at openings, but I wouldn't say I have fun. Rather, I feel exposed, almost without skin.

The director of the Joyful Noise Choir, Eva Bostrand, always encourages us to smile and enjoy our performances. She chooses people to stand in the front row not for their singing ability, but for their ability to look like they are enjoying themselves. Ironically, I do enjoy our singing performances, but apparently I don't look like it.

I recall wanting to be the top angel in my second grade Christmas pageant. I was not chosen for the job. The girl who was chosen was all blond and sparkly. No doubt she smiled broadly while I maintained a more sombre demeanour in a subordinate position.

As I watched Brent I marvelled at the sheer pleasure I observed. He had prepared well. He certainly took his performance seriously. It took courage to sing a wide range of songs. It must have taken even more courage to perform in a variety of costumes including the bustier I made for him for his "Sweet Transvestite" number from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. He did exactly what he should have done which is to appreciate himself for a job well done and to welcome his audience into his experience.

After I got over myself for my performance envy I decided to take stock of my own skills. It is true that I would like more fun in my life in general. It is true that I take myself too seriously. However, it is also true that I enjoy what I do in almost every aspect of my life. I may not look relaxed and at ease in performance situations, but I find great pleasure in the things I do. I guess if I had to choose, I would prefer to have the pleasure that is so familiar to me.

Having said that, I think it is time to develop my performer self. I think of myself as a shy extrovert, but maybe that is just an excuse to not put myself in situations that require bigger performances. Why not start by smiling when I sing? Why not risk being seen to have fun?

My hat is off to you Brent for your courage and humour and your joy in performing. I can hardly wait to see what you decide to do next.

© C O P Y R I G H T   2 0 1 0.  Mary Sullivan Holdgrafer ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.