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Asking
for feedback about my work is an excellent way to learn if it is, in
fact, fulfilling my intentions. The honest opinion of someone I respect
can assist me in clarifying and refining my work. I long for feedback
and I recognize that I rarely ask for it.
I recently had an e-mail "conversation" with a friend. I asked for some
feedback about a specific project. Her response was wonderfully helpful.
It was clear and direct. It was also couched in her own admission of
her fear at offering her opinion.
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" T H E M O M E N T W
E
B E G I N T O F E A R T H E
O P I N I O N S O F O T H E R S
A N D H E S I T A T E T O
T E L L T H E T R U T H T H A T
I S I N U S, A N D F
R O M
M O T I V E S O F P O L I C Y
A R E S I L E N T W H E N W E
S H O U L D S P E A K,
T H E D I V I N E F L O O D S O
F
L I G H T A N D L I F E N O
L O N G E R F L O W I N T O
O U R S O U L S
"
Elizabeth Cady Stanton
"T
O A Q U I C K Q U E S T I O N
G I V E A S L O W A N S W E R"
Italian Proverb
" W H E N P E O P L E T A L K,
L I S T E N C O M P L E T E L Y.
M O S T P E O P L E
N E V E R L I S T E N "
Ernest Hemingway
" I F Y O U M U S
T T E L L
M E Y O U R O P I N I O N S,
T E L L M E W H A T Y O U
B E L I E V E I N. I H A V E
P L E N T Y O F D O U B T S
O F M Y O W N "
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
"
A L L O F U S, A T
C E R T A I N M O M E N T S O F
O U R L I V E S, N E E D T O
T A K E A D V I C E A N D T O
R E C E I V E H E L P F R O M
O T H E R P E O P L E "
Alexis Carrel
"
E V E N G O O D O P I N I O N S
A R E W O R T H V E R Y
L I T T L E U N L E S S W E
H O L D T H E M I N T H E
B R O A D, I N T E L L I G E N T,
A N D S P A C I O U S W A Y "
John Morley
"
I N G I V I N G A D V I C E,
S E E K T O H E L P
N O T P L E A S E
Y O U R F R I E N D "
Solon
" T O A V O I D C R
I T I C I S M
D O N O T H I N G,
S A Y N O T H I N G,
B E N O T H I N G "
Elbert Hubbard
" I F I N D E E D Y
O U
M U S T B E C A N D I D, B E
C A N D I D B E A U T I F U L L Y "
Khahil Gibran
"
W H E N S O M E O N E D O E S
S O M E T H I N G G O O D,
A P P L A U D !
Y O U W I L L M A K E T W O
P E O P L E H A P P Y "
Samuel Goldwyn
" W H E N Y O U C A
N N O T
G E T A C O M P L I M E N T
A N Y O T H E R W A Y.
P A Y Y O U R S E L F O N E "
Mark Twain
"
C R E A T I V I T Y I S
A L L O W I N G Y O U R S E L F
T O M A K E M I S T A K E S.
A R T I S K N O W I N G
W H I C H O N E S
T O K E E P "
Scott Adams |
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Asking for feedback and giving it seems to be fraught with difficulty.
Why is this so hard? Well probably it is because we all have had experiences
with criticism which was overly zealous or outright harmful. As children
we were often given feedback when we did not ask for it. Sometimes the
feedback was shaming.
I believe that honest feedback is a way to build intimacy. It happens
when we are willing to share our honest thoughts and feelings. It happens
when we are willing to hear from others without trying to defend. It
happens when our intentions are clear.
Wendy Lewington-Coulter told me about a critique group that she once
belonged to. They met regularly for a specified period of time. Each
person sat in silence while the others offered their opinions on current
work. It was agreed that there would be no discussion. While this was
a challenging process, Wendy told me that it was the source of her greatest
growth as an artist.
Why did this process work? I imagine it is because process included
both direct and honest feedback and listening without defending.. And
there was no shaming.
When we can really hear what another person says, then we can decide
if we agree or disagree. There is no right or wrong here. There is no
need to accept feedback as truth. And yet the perspective of another
person can be invaluable in clarifying our own perspective.
Here are some guidelines for asking for feedback:
1. Check your intentions then ask
for what you want.
2. Listen carefully to the response
without trying to defend your point of view.
3. Allow time to reflect on the
feedback.
4. Stop the process if you have
had enough. A little bit of good feedback will go a long way.
Here are some guidelines for giving feedback:
1. Check your intentions before
agreeing to give feedback.
2. Give your most honest opinions
in clear direct language.
3. Stop when you are asked to stop.
4. Avoid caretaking.
I encourage you to seek feedback from people whose opinions you value.
You might find it helpful to create a formal critique group. I suggest
inviting artists from various disciplines (e.g., painting, sculpture,
etc.) to join you. Clearly define the purpose of the group, set clear
time boundaries and commit to work in the group for a period of time.
Reassess periodically to determine if the sessions are meeting the needs
of the group.
You may be more comfortable having more informal sessions with friends.
You can still formalize the process by asking clearly for feedback and
agreeing on ground rules for the exchange.
Either way, there is much to be learned from hearing differing perspectives.
Most of us are not skilled in giving or receiving feedback. It will
take some practice and it will not always be easy. Nevertheless, it
is a wonderful way to learn about ourselves and our work. I recommend
it highly.
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