This is not a fairytale, though the story began once upon a time in a land far, far away. It is not an adventure story, though it seems like it has contained quite a few hair-raising moments. Perhaps it could be called a romance. It certainly contains the hero and the heroine who found each other and rode off, not into the sunset, but north to discover a new (to us) land. No, it is really just a story about two people who worked hard for 35 years to build a marriage.

In 1971 I was a graduate student at the University of Kansas. I ran a demonstration preschool for severely handicapped children and normally developing peers. I was divorced and I had two children.

In September my friend and officemate, Barbara Brackman, sent me down the hall to check out the new Speech graduate students. In the grad students coffee room (it was not grand enough to call a lounge) I found a new guy talking to Chuck Reed. I later learned his name, Gary Holdgrafer. Here is what I remember about him:

We officially met after the KU Homecoming football game. We were with a group who had a tradition of celebrating at Louise’s Tavern. We found ourselves sitting on the sidelines not really a part of the festivities. After what seemed like an eternity I turned to him and said, “Have you read any good books lately?” He laughed.

Over the coming weeks we began to see each other regularly. I was soon convinced I had found the man of my dreams. I thought he was perfect in every way. He went home to Minnesota for Christmas. When he phoned long distance just to talk I was enthralled.

This was a time of high romance. We saw each other every weekend and on Wednesdays when Gary came to Lawrence for a class. I felt all the excitement of our new romance and was not surprised when Gary announced that he had decided we should get married. We made preparations for a spring wedding.

We were married on May 22, 1972 in the chapel on the KU campus. It was a beautiful day. I wore my grandmother’s wedding dress. Unfortunately, I ran into a sliding glass door and had an enormous fat lip. It was a small imperfection in an otherwise perfect day.

And so we began our new life together. Like all romances that end at the beginning, it seems like a happily-ever-after story. In fact this was the start of real life with all of its mundane problems and some more inordinate ones, along with an enduring love and commitment. Next month I will try to cram our 35- year relationship into this space.

In the meantime, remember this, two ordinary people can create a wonderful life together. In fact, I would be so bold as to describe our relationship as a fine romance, but it is not a fairytale. No, truly great romances arise from real life circumstances. We are just two folks who have worked hard to create an enduring love.

© C O P Y R I G H T   2 0 0 7.  Mary Sullivan Holdgrafer ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.