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" T H E E A S I E S T K I N D
O F R E L A T I O N S H I P
F O R M E I S W I T H
T E N T H O U S A N D
P E O P L E.
T H E H A R D E S T I S
W I T H O N E "
Joan
Baez
" T H E R E A R E
A B O U T F I V E P E O P L E
I N M Y L I F E T O
W H O M I R E A L L Y
L I S T E N.
T H E Y M A Y N O T
B E R I G H T, B U T
T H E Y K N O W
W H A T I ' M T R Y I N G
T O D O "
Emily
Mann
" O N E ' S F R I E N D S
A R E T H A T P A R T
O F T H E H U M A N R A C E
W I T H W H I C H O N E
C A N B E H U M A N "
George
Santayana
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A relationship can be viewed as a singular, primary partnership experience
with another person that has the potential for personal intimacy as
a basis for individual growth. Conversely, friendship has been described
by Mary Hunt (Fierce Tenderness ) as a
plural experience because we can have multiple friends on a simultaneous,
non-competing basis.
Plurality is essential because a variety of social needs are met within
friendships including personal intimacy but not always as the primary
need. Others include affection, alliance, companionship, aid and assistance,
nurturance, shared activity, enhancement of self-worth and a sense of
inclusion (T. Gallagher, Language Skills and Social
Competence ).
Consequently, friendships of different types are considered necessary
in order to establish a network of social support that addresses our
range of social needs. Moreover, our social needs shift over our lifespan
so it is important to be aware of and be sensitive to the types of friendships
that will be the most supportive for us at any given point in time.
Friendship is also a reciprocal process so it is important to be sensitive
to the social needs of others so that we can be supportive to those
who consider us friends. Failure to actively engage in the friendship
network has been stated as both a source and indicator of personal and
developmental difficulties.
Friends contribute to our resilience, which is a current concept in
health promotion (M. Stewart, Fostering Resilience
). It is the balance between stressful life events, or risk factors,
and the ability to cope with those events. It is about being able to
"bounce back". Ability to cope is enhanced by protective factors that
function to decrease the negative effects of stress and allow us to
continue to grow and develop. Protective factors consist of person characteristics
of the individual (such as a positive outlook) as well as aspects of
the environment including the support of friends.
When stress factors exceed protective factor, we become overwhelmed
and have difficulty coping. Loss or resilience can be manifested by
any of a number of ineffectual and unhealthy patterns of coping in difficult
circumstances.
Personal awareness of where we are in the balance of risk and protective
factors is important because resilience requires us to mobilize our
resources for protection in times of stress. It is advisable to have
a current inventory of our protective factors for quick access. So take
some time to think about all the people you call friends and what needs
you meet for each other as a very important part of that protective
shelter from life stresses.
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