Mary and I received letters from Revenue Canada recently. It seems that their computer spit out our names at random for an audit of our business called Holdgrafer Initiatives.

At least I think it must have been at random. Our little mom and pop, part-time, post-retirement “encore career” business yields a small revenue stream that, in combination with other retirement income, affords us a few luxuries in our otherwise simple life. We pay our taxes and it contributes little to reducing the national debt.

By luxuries I do not mean expensive jewelry, tailored clothing, 100-year-old scotch, or whatever else might typically come to mind in response to that word. Although scotch of any age perks my interest.

I mean a groomer that baths, combs and trims our dog so we do not have to pull her out from under the bed to do it.

And an electric toothbrush that makes it so much easier to brush her teeth even though I still use the manual method for my own. It is an affordable luxury if I can avoid the considerable cost of a teeth cleaning for my dog at the vet clinic.

“Your dog may need to have her teeth cleaned every year, and maybe every six months,” said the perky little vet technician. Right, I thought, fully resolved never to be lazy about my dog’s teeth.

“I brush my dog’s teeth every second day,” I said proudly to the vet who examined my dog.

“You could do better. You could brush her teeth everyday,” she said in a clinical tone of voice. “It is proven effective to reduce plaque and tartar.”

Right, I think. There is nothing in my life that I could not do better if I consulted the appropriate expert. There are not enough hours in the day to be better than good enough at most things.

I also mean a person who cleans our house on a regular basis, a gardener who weeds our yard monthly, and a neighborhood “snowboy” who helps clear the walks after nasty snowfalls that challenge the limits of my sore back. I have vacuumed miles of carpet, pulled thousands of weeds and shoveled tons of snow. I do not need to do it anymore. I prefer the simple luxury of not doing it myself.

My response to the summons for tax information took me right back to my childhood. I was raised in a mainstream religion. We were to search our souls to find wrongdoing for which we were to feel sorrow, shame and guilt, alleviated only by confessing the wrongdoing.

I thought I must have committed a wrongdoing given that our tax returns were being questioned. I looked for confirmation of my immediate feelings of guilt in our tax records, prepared to confess and throw myself at the feet and mercy of the auditor for a lighter prison sentence.

I was confused. I could not find anything out of order. We were scrupulously honest in what we declared.

“Give the auditor what she is asking for, she is not interested in anything more,” our accountant advised. In other words, do not look for anything to confess when there is nothing to confess.

“You are small potatoes,” our accountant said. “The auditor has bigger fish to fry.”

I waited momentarily for the accountant to complete his advice with a green leafy vegetable metaphor.

Our accountant has been very helpful and supportive in this situation and in our history with him. I remember timidly asking him once about what to declare as legitimate business expenses.

He laughed and related stories he had heard about what people have claimed. Like a business attempting to secure a lucrative contract from a large company by entertaining the executives with a bevy of hookers. I would never of thought of that.

I carefully assembled all the detailed information requested by the auditor, packaged it securely in an expandable file with a cover and mailed it to the auditor by express mail with her address in my neatest and clearest printing on a padded envelope. I phoned her to let her know that the information was ready and that she would receive it well within the required 30 days.

She was a mix of officiousness and humanness, admitting to having a bad cold that was going to put her out of commission for a few days. She did not sound like an ogre, although our accountant said women auditors are less flexible than men and more likely to strictly follow all the rules. Anyway, she qualifies as an expert and I am sure, despite my best efforts, she will tell me that I could do better.