"How do you know when you are happy?" That is the question we recently posed to our Staying Alive group. It arose from our reading about Mihalyi Czikszentmalhalyi's concept of flow and our morning discussions by the fire.

As a graduate student I had the privilege of working with my friends and mentors, Carl Dunst and Carol Trivette. I studied the relationship between social support, coping styles, locus of control and the experience of stress in families with severely disabled infants and young children. While my work did not specifically address happiness, it certainly looked at contributing factors.

" M A K E  T H E  L E A S T
O F  A L L  T H A T  G O E S
A N D  M A K E  T H E  M O S T
O F  A L L  T H A T  C O M E S "
Folk Wisdom


" W O R K  L O V I N G L Y  D O N E
I S  T H E  S E C R E T  O F
A L L  O R D E R  A N D  A L L
H A P I N E S S "
Pierre-Auguste Renoir


" M O S T  P E O P L E  W O U L D
R A T H E R  B E  R I G H T  
T H A N  H A P P Y "
Bennett Wong


" O N L Y  D I R E C T  C O N T R O L
O F  E X P E R I E N C E ,  T H E
A B I L I T Y  T O  D E R I V E
M O M E N T - B Y - M O M E N T
E N J O Y M E N T  F R O M
E V E R Y T H I N G  W E  D O ,
C A N  O V E R C O M E   T H E
O B S T A C L E S  T O
F U L F I L L M E N T "
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi


" A S K  Y O U R S E L F
W H E T H E R  Y O U  A R E
H A P P Y  A N D  Y O U  W I L L
C E A S E  T O  B E  S O "
John Stuart Mill


" T H E  R U L E  O F  J O Y
A N D  T H E  L A W  O F  D U T Y
S E E M  T O  M E  A L L  O N E "
Oliver Wendell Holmes


" W I T H  M Y  L I F E  A N D
M Y  A R T  I  W I L L
M A N A G E  G R E A T
Y E S - S A Y I N G .  I  W I L L
A F F I R M  M Y  W O R K ,
M Y  R E L A T I O N S H I P S ,
A N D  M Y  W O R L D ;  A N D  I
W I L L  A F F I R M  M Y S E L F "
Eric Maisel


" T H E  M O S T  G E N E R A L
S U R V E Y  S H O W S  T H A T
T H E  F O E S  O F  H U M A N
H A P P I N E S S  A R E
P A I N  A N D
B O R E D O M "
Arthur Schopenhauer

I remain curious about why some people appear to be happy despite adversity while others who seem to have so much are not happy. According to Csikszentmalhyi, it is how people respond to stress that determines whether they will profit from misfortune or be miserable.

A Fine Balance by Rohintin Mystery considers the balance between hope and despair among people who have little. It is paradoxical that when we have more we want more. Our escalating expectations are often a source of unhappiness despite the popular belief that a new bigger and better television, new sleeker and faster car or a new more elegant and stylish house will finally make us happy.

In her book, In the Shelter of Each Other Mary Pfiffer states that stress in families is often the result of striving. She argues that our goals become skewed by our fixation on acquiring more things and experiences. She suggests that what children want and need the most is their parent's time and attention. Her clients often report that their children's behaviour and school performance improve as family stress decreases.

Satisfaction occurs when attention is invested in realistic pursuits and when skills match opportunities for engagement, according to Csikszentmalhyi. He suggests that happiness occurs as a by-product of satisfying work or study. Flow is the term that he devised to describe work for its own sake.

I recently saw Meryl Streep discussing a scene from her new movie, "The Hours." Her character recalled a moment of sheer joy when she told herself that it was the beginning of happiness. However, she learned that happiness is an in-the-moment experience. It is easy to miss moments of happiness if we are preoccupied. Happiness requires presence.

I believe that happiness is largely a matter of perspective. I seem to have the ability to identify my own happiness most of the time. I usually see my life in a positive way, even when I am dealing with difficult issues. I find enjoyment and pleasure in my life despite adversity. I don't believe that I am naive and I certainly don't consider myself a "Pollyanna." Yet I see possibilities, opportunities or gifts in every experience. I take pleasure from my relationships and I want for nothing. I derive satisfaction for learning and work. Hmm, this is starting to sound like a recipe for happiness.