" I  H A V E  N O T  A L W A Y S
A I M E D  F O R  B A L A N C E
I N  L I F E,  B U T  N O W  I  S E E
T H A T  I F  I  W A N T  T O
R E A L I Z E  M Y  D R E A M S
I  M U S T  M A I N T A I N  A
F I N E  B A L A N C E ."
Eric Maisel

" I  A M  I N  M Y  S T U D I O
A L L  D A Y  W O R K I N G,
O F T E N  I N  T H A T  D E E P
A N D  V I O L E N T  W A Y,
A N D  W H E N  E V E N I N G
C O M E S  A N D  F A M I L Y  L I F E
R E C L A I M S  M E,  T H E N
I  F E E L  S T A B I L I Z E D ."
Louise Bourgeois

" T O  E N J O Y  F R E E D O M
W E  H A V E  T O
C O N T R O L
O U R S E L V E S ."
Virginia Woolf

" M Y  N A T U R E  I S
O R D E R L Y  A N D
O B S E R V A N T  A N D
S C R U P U L O U S  A N D
D E E P L Y  I N T R O V E R T E D ."
Joyce Carol Oates

Weather, like much of life, is unpredictable. We rely on patterns of past experience to predict future events. There is even a body of scientific knowledge that we can call upon when making a forecast. And yet there remains an element of capriciousness.

This year in Edmonton, Alberta we have encountered torrential rains, some flooding and unusually hot temperatures. Recently Gary and I were even stranded briefly by a flash flood. Our weather has been similar to what I remember from my childhood home in Kansas. I confess I have been surprised by the fickleness of our hot and muggy Alberta summer.

How open am I to surprise and unpredictability in my life? While I would like to say that I welcome it, an examination of my life would suggest otherwise. If fact, I am highly predictable. My life is based on simple routines that I find comforting and grounding. There are few surprises in the rhythm of my days.

I suspect that the consistency in my life is a reason why I don't fall apart when the inevitable stressors or misfortunes occur. That is not to say that I am not impacted. Rather that I have the capacity to be resilient that is enhanced by the grounding routines I value.

I am aware that not everyone has the luxury of consistency in her life. I am currently reading Reading Lolita in Tehran  by Azar Nafisi. It is an account of a group of seven young women who met secretly for two years with their teacher Azar Nafisi to read and study forbidden Western literature. These women also sought some predictability in their lives though their circumstances are complex and dangerous. I am inspired by their courage.

In the past few months I have recounted some of my struggles as I have worked on my "Inside the Dress" process. In the midst of all my angst I have relied on the consistency of my routines. For example, when I scared myself about making the first mark in my journal I still went to my exercise classes, followed my regular diet and spent time with my friends and family. It took many days before I could gather my courage to begin. My routines didn't take away my anxiety, but they helped.

This month my art making has consisted of gathering information. I have checked out interfacings, boning types and closures. I have also started looking at plastic lighting options. My plans shift as I learn more about the materials that are available to me. As these hot summer days roll on my mind is filled with construction details. I have a sense of moving to a new phase of the "Inside the Dress" process. I am excited to see what happens next .


The project is entitled, "Inside the Dress." It is a process that will culminate in an exhibition at the McMullen Gallery in 2005. My colleagues, Jean Brandel, Judy Villett and Jayne Willoughby-Scott and I conceived the idea as a means of creating an opportunity to work deeply. The process will take more than a year to complete. We envision the result of collective personal work will be a remarkable exhibition.