Many years ago one of my beloved teachers, Jock McKeen said in order to create new possibilities you need to be able to imagine them. I began to imagine new possibilities for myself. I imagined being an artist. I imagined being a creativity coach. I imagined having a rich and satisfying relationship with my husband.

I have achieved all of those things. As I began to create new dreams for myself I found it easy to imagine, invest energy and create new possibilities. I used my analytical skills and my ability to work hard in order to achieve my new goals. Yet many years later I remain a person of moderate dreams. I am able to conceive a “reasonable” dream and bring it to fruition. Until recently I have not even allowed myself to consider big dreams.

In fact, I am still not sure I know what a big dream might be. I have begun to wonder why that might be so. I was raised to be a “good and responsible girl.” Now at the age of 63 I believe I am still carrying old scripts that no longer serve me.

I made a list of some of my limiting beliefs. Here are a few:

• I must be good to be good enough – my dad was my grade school principal. It was very important for me to be well behaved and set a good example for others.
• Put others’ needs first – there was a strong value of service to others in my home as well as a hint of martyrdom.
• Don’t draw attention to yourself – in fact, my brothers and I were expected to be high achievers yet deny or down play our successes.
• Know your place – I remember my mom telling me not to go in certain stores because they were out of our league.
• Do your part – this translated into always do more than your share.
• Don’t be selfish – this is another version of service to others that made thinking about myself wrong.

Please don’t get me wrong; I am glad that I had parents who taught me to be responsible and to work hard. I am glad to be strong and smart. My regret is that I swallowed my family messages whole. I wish I had not been quite so literal because I can see that my beliefs are limiting. Because I was a child who over-learned lessons I am an adult who excels at modest dreams.

The funny thing about childhood messages is that they remain intact until they are actively challenged. Challenge is impossible until we are aware the messages exist. I have done a lot of personal work around negative self-talk. I don’t often say mean things to myself, but I am aware there is more work to be done if I am ever to have big dreams.

So along with imagining possibilities I am committing myself to developing new awareness about my old self-limiting beliefs. Awareness is always the first step in creating new possibilities. I have my work cut out for me!

© C O P Y R I G H T   2 0 0 8.  Mary Sullivan Holdgrafer ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.