Since it will soon be Valentine's Day I thought I would consider  love this month. In particular I am thinking of mature love, something I know a bit about. I have a memory of my mother trying to tell me that mature love was something different than what I, a young woman in her 20's, could comprehend. She was right of course.

I have an abundance of love in my life. I give my love freely and receive much in return. In particular I am loved by my life partner, Gary. We have been married for nearly 38 years. Our love has grown and evolved as we have. I think our life together is an example of what mature love can be.

I wake up every morning feeling grateful for my relationship with Gary. He is my best friend and my biggest supporter. Together we have built a solid marriage based on love and respect and shared values.

Earlier in our relationship we each tried to mould  each other to fit our respective idealized and romanticized view of the perfect partner.  The inevitable power struggle ensued. Neither of us did this with any malice. We were simply doing what people "in love" seem to do. Once we learned to let each other be who we really are rather than the fantasy version, we found that we are both much more interesting than we initially imagined.

Early in our marriage I imagined that we would have a movie-like romance. I thought Gary would bring me flowers and buy me pearls. He thought of flowers as dead things and pearls as outrageously expensive. Eventually I started buying my own flowers and we both enjoyed them. By the time he could afford pearls I was no longer interested. However, I began to see that Gary is terribly romantic. When he makes a special dinner for me it is done with great care. When he is willing to hold my hand and walk at my pace I know that is done out of love. My mom was right, mature love is different and way better than my young self could ever have imagined.

Recently we were reminded how precious and fragile loving relationships can be. Our friend Craig Magill died suddenly and unexpectedly on New Year's Eve. Craig and his wife Wendy had a deep and enduring relationship. In her eulogy Craig's daughter referred to them as true soulmates. We  continue to feel the loss of our friend and our hearts go out to Wendy as she moves forward with her life without her best friend and dearest love.

We feel a new awareness of the tenuousness of our most cherished relationship. It is a rich and bittersweet knowledge that one day we too will be separated by death. And yet we have this day and we hope many more days  to appreciate the priceless gift of mature love.

Happy Valentine's Day.

© C O P Y R I G H T   2 0 1 0.  Mary Sullivan Holdgrafer ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.