When September arrives I always think of new beginnings. I am sure this is because I spent so much of my life as a student and teacher. I retired from my school teaching career fifteen years ago. Nevertheless, I continue to experience the familiar excitement of back to school.

This year our oldest granddaughter, Josie, will move to junior high school and our grandson, Matthew, will begin grade 1. There is great enthusiasm for these changes. There is also some anxiety associated with the changes. Both Josie and Matthew are making important transitions.

Josie has spent many months telling me that she probably won’t be seeing me much in the future. She plans to be involved in many school activities and she knows that her friends will become increasingly important. She has prepared well. She has a lovely new haircut and appropriate new clothes. Many of her friends from grade 6 will be going to the same school. However, she has recently acknowledged that she is nervous about the change. She has also promised to stay in close touch about how she is doing.

Matthew will be going to the same school but he is aware that there is a new status in entering grade 1. For starters he will be going to school full time. He won’t be able to sit in the front row of the school bus any more. Matthew’s parents have wisely planned recent play dates with friends to help ease the transition. He is filled with anticipation but his dad has noticed some increased clinginess as well.

The anxiety will last for a few days but I am confident they will easily make the transition. They have all the skills and support necessary to face their respective new “big kid” roles.

I don’t mean to down play the anxiety. I was thinking this morning about my first day in high school. I found my locker with no difficulty but I walked away from it with no confidence that I could ever find it again. I spent a sleepless night imagining how I would explain carrying all my books from class to class. Would I say that I wanted to use every available minute for study? I knew it would be even worse when I also carried my winter coat. I guessed that no one would believe I was feeling just a little bit chilly everyday. Of course there was no need to worry. I went straight to my locker the next day.

It seems quite common to feel excitement and anxiety in new situations. It doesn’t stop when we grow up. We may become better at focusing on the excitement and masking the anxiety. The trick is to not be paralyzed by the fear. I have learned to monitor myself quite closely.

I am basically optimistic. Sometimes I need to rein in my enthusiasm. Because I know myself as eager for new experiences it is more difficult for me to recognize my anxiety. However, I have learned that the level of my procrastination is directly related to my level of anxiety. When I start to hear the excuses for not doing something new I know it is time to give my head a shake and get to it.

This fall my new beginning is to increase my time in my studio. I have a lot of work to do. Like Josie I have helped myself by preparing well. I have the materials I need. My plans are in place. My schedule is mapped out. Amazingly, my anxiety level is manageable. In fact, I feel that old back-to-school pleasure. I’m ready to go!

© C O P Y R I G H T   2 0 0 8.  Mary Sullivan Holdgrafer ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.