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" M O R E O F M E
C O M E S O U T
W H E N I
I M P R O V I S E. "
Edward
Hopper
" W H E N R E A S O N
I S A W A Y ,
S M I L E S W I L L P L A Y . "
Surrealist
Proverb
" A N I D E A I S N ' T
R E S P O N S I B L E F O R
T H E P E O P L E
W H O B E L I E V E I N I T ."
Don
Marquis
" G O D I N V E N T E D
T H E G I R A F F E ,
T H E E L E P H A N T ,
T H E C A T .
H E H A S N O R E A L S T Y L E .
H E J U S T G O E S O N
T R Y I N G T H I N G S ."
Pablo
Picasso
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I muse about seemingly trivial events because I believe that they are
often microcosmic of life. There is the view that we concentrate the
whole of the Self into the simplest acts (S. Nachmanovitch
- Free Play: Improvisation in Life and
Art). So I started thinking about impulses.
I am, by nature, a rational being. Anyone who knows me would immediately
say "Oh really" to that admission. Impulsive is not a word that applies
to me. Hence the impact I absorbed from the small experience I created
for myself by being "impulsive".
I think almost everything through carefully. I took several months to
buy a "new" vehicle (previously owned, late model, low mileage, remaining
warranty, mechanically and crash test reliable, little old lady owner).
I found one.
I described my experience proudly to a couple of friends. They smiled.
Both had recently purchased brand new cars. Right off the lot, virtually
on the same day they each had decided they needed a different car. Their
criteria were minimal and of shockingly little relevance to me. Like
colour. I admit that I didn't care much about white but any other colour
would do. My car is white.
I have taken a dim view of impulsiveness or acting on impulse. It has
been like diving into the water without knowing how cold or deep it
is. It has seemed like a risky business that leaves success to chance.
There are no second thoughts. What a challenge for anyone who identifies
with being a thoughtful person!
I know that I have a lot to learn from my negative judgements. This
morning was a simple reminder because of the pleasurable experience
that resulted from acting on an impulse. I could have easily said, "no,
on second thought, a quiet breakfast is best and I am already running
a little late".
I am exploring a change in my relationship with impulses. I see that
I have had a limiting belief about not acting on impulse. It is limiting
because of the experiences I have dismissed with second thoughts. Second
thoughts are powerful.
A limiting belief is also pervasive. I had over-generalized my belief
because careful thought has worked so well for me in situations that
really do require it. Over time, I had managed to establish a general
"rule" that a rational approach is always required. And, ironically,
I had rarely given my limiting belief a second thought. So second thoughts
can serve in disputing limiting beliefs. After all, they are powerful.
I agree with S. Nachmanovitch that impulses
lead to simple spontaneous acts of improvisation that allow freedom
for the self to move and manifest itself. Limiting beliefs are barriers
between the self and life experiences. It is important to dispute them.
I plan to make more space for my impulses. And there is no disputing
that.
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