" A R T  I S  T H E  O N L Y
T H I N G  Y O U  C A N ' T
P U S H  A  B U T T O N  F O R.
Y O U  M U S T  D O  I T
T H E  O L D  F A S H I O N E D
W A Y.
T H E R E  A R E  N O
C O M P R O M I S E S ."
Leontyne Price

" C H A L L E N G E S  M A K E
Y O U  D I S C O V E R  T H I N G S
A B O U T  Y O U R S E L F
T H A T  Y O U  N E V E R
R E A L L Y  K N E W ."
Cicely Tyson

" D O E S  F A S H I O N
M A T T E R?
A L W A Y S --
T H O U G H  N O T  Q U I T E
A S  M U C H  A F T E R
D E A T H."
Joan Rivers

" T A K E  Y O U R  W O R K
S E R I O U S L Y ,  B U T
N E V E R
Y O U R S E L F ."
Dame Margot Fonteyn

It is amazing how in a few short days my perception can shift dramatically. Today I am filled with excitement about the developments in my plans for my final Inside the Dress three-dimensional work. Until this point I had been struggling with the fact that deadlines were looming and I was behind schedule. My anxiety was evident in the following journal entry from June 10th:

. . . It is 2:00a.m. and I can't sleep. My mind is a jumble of ideas and images laced with guilt at not having more things done. Nothing is finished!

I would like to blame our new puppy, Tipper. It takes a lot of time and effort to be a good puppy parent. She is demanding. I have lost a lot of sleep since she arrived. There is not enough time to work in my studio. But the truth is I had not dedicated myself to a plan.

I decided that I needed to take some serious action. First I had to make a commitment to the idea of creating a bustier as a part of the three-dimensional piece. Then I began studying pattern books for design inspirations. I bought a couple of patterns to study even though I plan to design and draft my own.

Next I made a trip to my favourite couture fabric shop with my friend Sharon Milne. While there I grilled the young woman who was helping us about construction techniques. I looked at the glorious fabrics and began to imagine myself wearing a bustier, not just creating one for an installation.

Something magical happened when I returned home. I told Gary about my shopping expedition and my germinating ideas. As I talked more options came to mind. I realized that by playing with the idea I could generate many more design possibilities for myself. It reminded me of something Jayne Willoughby-Scott said recently about an original inspiration being like a skeleton for a piece of work. It may never be seen but it still provides the "bones" for the finished design.

I then went to the Internet to search for historical information about the bustier. I found several helpful sites and a plethora that were explicitly sexual. Although I was aware that the bustier could be an edgy subject, I had focused almost entirely on aspects that related specifically to me. One is that I have no breasts, a physical attribute usually emphasized by the form. However, I can see that I have more to think about.

I am still pondering how to illustrate what is inside my skin. I am toying with concepts of transparency. I am also considering ways to suggest longevity, experience and wisdom. I wonder if transformation is an aspect to emphasize. Will I address issues of sexuality or aging or imperfection? Will I wear a bustier at the opening?

Although nothing is finished, I am miles further in the process. As I breathe in I don't detect a single bit of guilt right now. Instead I am excited and energized. This morning Gary said it has been interesting to watch me struggle with my design. I had to confess that it has been interesting for me too.


The project is entitled, "Inside the Dress." It is a process that will culminate in an exhibition at the McMullen Gallery in 2005. My colleagues, Jean Brandel, Judy Villett and Jayne Willoughby-Scott and I conceived the idea as a means of creating an opportunity to work deeply. The process will take more than a year to complete. We envision the result of collective personal work will be a remarkable exhibition.