" T H E  B E S T  I D E A S  C O M E
U N E X P E C T E D L Y  F R O M
A  C O N V E R S A T I O N  O R
A  C O M M O N  A C T I V I T Y
L I K E  W A T E R I N G
T H E  G A R D E N. "
Ruth Asawa

" E V E R Y  D A Y
C R E A T I V E  P E O P L E
S T A N D  U P  F O R  
T H E  T R U T H,
 L O V E  T H E  T R U T H,
A N D  E V E N  R I S K  T H E I R
L I V E S  F O R  T H E  T R U T H.
B U T  T H E  T R U T H  I S
O F T E N  H A R D  T O
D I S C E R N."
Eric Maisel

" I  H A V E  O N L Y  T O  L E T
M Y S E L F  G O !
S O  I  H A V E  S A I D
A L L  M Y  L I F E,
Y E T  I  H A V E  N E V E R
F U L L Y  D O N E  I T."
Henry James

" A L L  I M P O R T A N T
T H I N G S  I N  A R T
H A V E  A L W A Y S
O R I G I N A T E D  F R O M
T H E  D E E P E S T
F E E L I N G  A B O U T  T H E
M Y S T E R Y  O F
B E I N G."
Max Beckman

When I was a girl my mother used to send me to my room on Saturdays with instructions to do a thorough cleaning. I would happily spend time reorganizing my drawers and my closet. Sometimes I would sort items in my closet by outfit, while at other times I would put all the skirts together, all the blouses together, etc. I would place my underwear in tidy stacks and my socks would all be with their mates. I would emerge satisfied with my efforts only to meet my mothers disapproving stares.

You see, I consistently forgot about cleaning my room. Once the internal organization was in place I was satisfied. It took a long time for me to understand that the point of the exercise from my mother's perspective was to tidy my room. Eventually I did figure it out, but I always continued to take pleasure from organizing the things that no one else would see.

As I began thinking about "Inside the Dress" I wondered about my internal organization. How do I organize all of my memories? Where do I keep love or hurt or longings? What about the things that don't fit neatly into handy categories? Where do I put the messy stuff?

I wondered about how I might represent my internal organization. Would I use a closet or drawers? Could I use baskets or boxes? Would a filing cabinet be required? Or might there be another way to address the issue all together?

When I shared my musings with my friend Martha Cole, she suggested that it might be interesting to compare what I see as my internal process with how others see me. Oh my, more things to organize! Intuitively this seemed like an interesting idea to pursue.

I have spent a lot of time recently considering what goes on inside me and how others see me. I know that the two are not always congruent.

In a recent class with Nancy Crow I struggled with my desire to be bold in my work. The feedback I received from classmates who are my dear friends was that I am bold. I had to acknowledge that this is true; yet there is a place where I stop myself from being as bold as I truly want to be. I scare myself and I edit my boldness. This cannot be easily seen from the "outside."

Another place of incongruity is when I have strong feelings of hurt or pain, but I report them in a calm and rational voice. My heart could be breaking and you would probably think I was a little upset. I have only recently learned this about myself.

I wonder what other ways I am a different internally and externally. It certainly seems like an interesting idea to investigate. I have adopted this as the focus for my three-dimensional piece for "Inside the Dress." I have no idea at this point how I will represent this. I am curious about what I will learn in the process. Stay tuned for future reports!