" M A R Y  I S  A  P E R S O N
O F  G R A T I T U D E,
F O R  A L L  T H E  G I F T S
S H E  H A S
I N  H E R  L I F E ."
Gary Holdgrafer

" I  B E L I E V E  Y O U R
P E R S O N A L  Q U A L I T Y
O F  C O M M I T M E N T
I S  A  C O M M O N  T H R E A D
T H A T  I S  W O V E N
I N T O  T H E  V E R Y  F A B R I C
O F  Y O U R  B E I N G ."
Celeste Grad

" M A R Y  H A S  T H E
A B I L I T Y  T O  I N S T I L
C O N F I D E N C E  I N
O T H E R S  T H R O U G H
H E R  C A L M I N G  A N D
L O G I C A L  A D V I C E
T H A T  S H E  I M P A R T S
I N  A  N O N-J U D G E M E N T A L
A N D  N O N-I N V A S I V E
V O I C E ."
Penny Berens

Receiving gifts can be a complicated experience. Our response is wrapped up in our view of our worthiness. It contains an element of longing and the potential for disappointment. I recognize that I am more skilled at giving than receiving.

If receiving gifts can be a challenge, receiving gifts of feedback can be particularly stimulating and thought provoking. I have received many gifts as a result of my request for feedback from friends and family regarding an important quality they see in me. Each response has been useful and taken together it has sometimes been overwhelming. Peoples' observations were generous and touching. I found that I wanted to receive the feedback graciously, to hear it and accept it. I wanted to stay open and not argue. The hardest part has been to stay present and accept the gifts.

The feedback I have received paints a picture of a strong yet flawed person. It was especially helpful to hear from those who were willing to consider the negative aspects of the qualities they described. There was a time in my life when I worked hard to create an illusion of perfection. However, I now relish a more complete, more realistic view of myself as a flawed and very human woman.

The most poignant response came from my brother John who acknowledged that despite his love for me he does not know me. He believes that "people are who they are after their journey." Because we rarely see each other it was difficult for him to comment on my current personal qualities.

The most exquisite response came from Martha Cole who made a book for me entitled "C is for Mary." In it she selected words to describe me that begin with the letter C. The book is circular containing words such as choice, consciousness and considered. It is all the more precious because Martha took time from her own busy schedule to create this small work of art for me.

A particularly meaningful observation came from Dale Partridge. He spoke to my most precious relationship. He said, "Her relationship with husband Gary appears to be the largest and most complex 'canvas' of all for her. It is here that Mary has finally found an art that immediately and unmistakably talks back, reacts, resents, relishes and joins. Wow! The rareness of this art is unspeakable."

The symbols offered were diverse. I have categorized them as follows: objects of strength, wisdom, caring and nurturing, openness, mystery, fairness, playfulness, and wholeness. Some I might have chosen for myself while others surprised me. My daughter-in-law, Cynthia Dunnigan, chose a small black bat. She said that bats are nurturing creatures but they are also mysterious and may be misjudged at first. Janis Blakey recognized how I have changed during the time she has known me. Her choice of symbol was a "sunbow."

As the binder of responses grows I feel an enormous sense of gratitude for the people in my life. I am reminded that I am blessed to have friends, old and new who are willing to share in this project that is so important to me. I will treasure their words long after Inside the Dress is completed.

Exactly how I will incorporate these gifts into my work remains to be seen. I imagine snippets of text applied to the fabric that will suggest the skirt of my "dress." I have not yet decided which method I will use. The test fabrics await my review.


The project is entitled, "Inside the Dress." It is a process that will culminate in an exhibition at the McMullen Gallery in 2005. My colleagues, Jean Brandel, Judy Villett and Jayne Willoughby-Scott and I conceived the idea as a means of creating an opportunity to work deeply. The process will take more than a year to complete. We envision the result of collective personal work will be a remarkable exhibition.