As I was sitting outside this afternoon enjoying the late summer sun I was thinking about my father, Robert E. Sullivan. My dad was a kind and gentle man. He held strong values about family, loyalty, integrity and service to community. He had simple tastes and he wanted what he had in life. I am grateful for these and many other reasons that he was my father.

My dad was a high school history teacher, an elementary school principal and a school psychologist. He was responsible for the development of the special education services in his school district. Prior to his career as an educator he held a variety of jobs as a baker, a fireman and a security guard. Ironically developing tuberculosis during his service in WWII made it possible for him to go to college to become a teacher. It was something he was always grateful for.

No doubt part of the reason I was thinking about my dad was because I have been reading a book about gratitude by Robert A. Emmons. It is called simply Thanks! This book outlines the many positive qualities of gratitude from the perspective of positive psychology. It presents a convincing case for the benefits of gratitude on health and well-being.

I have been appreciating how much my dad influenced my life. I am grateful that he was my dad because I wouldn’t be who I am today without him. One of the things he did for me was to present a model of a decent man that I could use in choosing a life partner. Although he and Gary are unalike in many ways, they share many essential qualities.

Gary and I have been married for more than 37 years. As we have matured we have made a practice of saying, “I love you and I cherish you” to each other. Now we often add a specific acknowledgement of gratitude for our lives and for each other. By making our implicit devotion and appreciation explicit the “I love you” becomes much more than a cursory greeting to be accompanied by a peck on the cheek. It is a pledge.

Part of my musing about my father was about how he functioned as a husband and father. I believe he invested himself in both roles, but he saw himself as primarily the “bread winner.” Now don’t get me wrong, our house was not like “Father Knows Best.” I don’t imagine that my parents had a perfect relationship. In fact, I am sure they did not. Yet, I am certain that my dad in his way was devoted to my mother. From that I learned about what I might expect from my most intimate relationship. I know he wanted only the best for my brothers and me.

As I look at Gary I see several important qualities that he shares with my dad. I imagine I sought those qualities in my husband because I had seen them in my father. They are qualities that were never discussed, they simply were. I have come to believe that the unspoken lessons are the most potent ones.

Not surprisingly, I see qualities in me that came from my father as well. Like him I am a teacher and a bit of a crusader. I can see that I am a hard worker and a loyal friend like he was. I am sure there are many other qualities I could acknowledge, but I wouldn’t want to boast (Thanks Daddy).

I am grateful for my life. I am grateful for all that I have. I am grateful for my father who taught me that I deserve to have a simple and honorable life.

© C O P Y R I G H T   2 0 0 9.  Mary Sullivan Holdgrafer ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.