Recently my granddaughter asked me if I was a healer. The question came in a discussion about when exactly women acquire eyes in the back of their heads. It was an innocent conversation about magic powers of all sorts. However, when she asked the question I was exhausted. I wondered if I could call myself a healer or magic if I allowed myself to feel so depleted.

I have long known that I have a tendency to work myself into a state of exhaustion. There is always so much I want to do. In the past I would respond to calls for help without regard for my own welfare. I am less apt to do that now. However, I clearly have not mastered the art of self-care.

I have chosen a life of teaching and supporting others. I am confident that this important role is exactly what I am supposed to be doing. As a coach, mentor and teacher I know I make a difference in the world.

It is the personal contact that I thrive on. I love standing beside someone as she steps forward in some new way. Just yesterday a client saw a dilemma in a new way. In an instant she was able to challenge an old belief that had kept her stuck. Now that is magic and the very best kind of healing. All I needed to do was be with her as she began to figure out a new way. I was a sort of Earth Mother cheerleader in that moment.

Yet there are times when I become overwhelmed. In recent months there seems to have been an inordinate amount of pain and suffering. It has not been directly in my life, but in the lives of many people I care deeply about. There has been illness, death and a variety of unfortunate circumstances that have chipped away at my spirit. I am feeling depleted.

I know that I have lost my ground. I’m not certain what the tipping point was, but I am aware of some of the components that lead to a felling of being overwhelmed. When I take on too much, when my routines are disrupted, when I don’t have enough time for my own creative pursuits, when I don’t spend enough time with the people I love, when I don’t get enough rest, I am at risk for becoming overwhelmed.

In the broadest sense it is when I lose my intention to maintain balance in my life that I become overwhelmed. If I am not grounded, I cannot effectively be present with others as they do their work. I cease to remember my own magic.

I know for sure that there is always pain and suffering in the world. I know this and yet in the face of others’ sadness I am apt to forget myself. There remains within me an old message about putting others first. It is a noble thought, but when it is misapplied it is disastrous for me.

I need to remember that I require regular rejuvenation in order to do my work. My own healing is necessary in order to sustain my magic. And we all know that those eyes in the back of my head see less well when I am not feeling refreshed and renewed.

© C O P Y R I G H T   2 0 0 6.  Mary Sullivan Holdgrafer ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.