Second hand living is experiencing life events vicariously through the perceptions and interpretations of other people rather than witnessing them directly (Peter London - No More Second Hand Art). Hearsay and gossip are examples. I would like to expand that definition to include the vicarious experiences we create in our own imagination.

" S H E  W R O T E  T H E
M A P  A S  S H E
D R O V E "
Larry Klein on Joni Mitchell









" F I R S T  L I V E
A N D  T H E N
D E V E L O P  A
P H I L O S O P H Y "
Chinese Proverb









" S O  W E  M U S T  B E G
O U R S E L V E S  T O
L E T  I N  O U R  O W N
E X P E R I E N C E S "
Eric Maisel

We have all probably heard of the secret life of Walter Mitty (James Thurber). He was an ordinary man who lived a parallel life in his own mind that included a variety of exciting and heroic experiences. While in those imagery scenarios, he was not present to witness the real events of his own life. He exceeded the speed limit in his car because the image he saw was a hurricane he was negotiating, as the Commander of a hurtling Navy hydroplane, instead of the road ahead.

Walter fictionalized his life. Events of his real life prompted stories that he could live out vicariously through his imagination. For example, seeing a hospital transformed him into a famous surgeon. There are two major ways to fictionalize our lives based on some event. I have experienced both and assume that I am not unique.

Walter lived in a state of Romance. He imagined wonderful and exciting things that were in sharp contrast to the reality of his life. His case may be more extreme than many. And I believe that we all Romanticize which is a positive magnification of any event to make it more wonderful and perfect than it is in reality.

Lucky for Walter that he did not Catastrophize. He could have made himself miserable trying to survive the negative magnifications of events, making them more horrific and awful than is likely in reality.

What is important is that we learn to distinguish between our imagining of events and our direct experience of them (Peter London). That requires us to Realize what is occurring. To realize is to make real through our re-interpretation of the facts without magnification or "blowing them out of proportion". Otherwise we get stuck in the story and lose sight of the road that is right in front of us.

I sometimes say to myself "Okay, Walter" when I go into a state of magnification. And that is usually enough for me to get real again.