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" S E L F - A C Q U A I N T A N C E
I S A R A R E
C O N D I T I O N ."
Robert
Henri
" A L L L A R G E T A S K S
A R E C O M P L E T E D
I N A S E R I E S
O F S T A R T S ."
Neil Fiore
" C R E A T I V I T Y I S
T H E D E F E A T O F
H A B I T B Y
O R I G I N A L I T Y ."
Arthur
Koestler
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We recently purchased office furnishings from a large furniture outlet.
They sell moderately priced, attractive and functional items. All, I
hasten to add, require assembly by the customer.
I believe that furniture assembly was put on this earth to make us all
better and certainly more humble people. Things never go together as
easily as implied by the simple steps outlined in the instruction manual.
Instruction manuals are written by people who are very familiar with
the item and who have learned through experience, all of the subtle
ways to finesse the stubborn pieces together. This is all simply taken
for granted and not included in the manual for the inexperienced customer.
The manual is an abridged version of the real story.
I believe that we are made up of complex personalities consisting of
many different aspects. It is interesting to notice what aspects of
our personality show up for any particular experience. The more stressful
is the experience; often the less attractive is the aspect.
Furniture assembly is such an experience for learning about the complexity
of the human personality, at least mine. In my usual fashion I organized
each task carefully. Never rush a job when you don't know what you are
doing, I remind myself. I laid out all of the pieces for an item on
the floor and ordered them according to the steps in the manual that
I read carefully. Clearly, the task was well in hand.
I made the mistake of interpreting the manual literally. I assumed that
assembly would be as easy as reading the manual. I felt a combination
of surprise, confusion and frustration evaporating my confidence when
the pieces did not immediately fit together as I expected they should.
Stress! I felt an immediate, almost desperate, reaction to apply force
in a "make it or break it" move, prompted by the shock of realizing
that my security blanket, the instruction manual, had apparently abandoned
me.
Now, who was going to show up? I had a momentary visual image of a crazed
person in an advanced state of "furniture assembly rage" wielding a
roaring chain saw. Luckily, I possess a fair degree of self-control
and the image was enough to scare me back to my senses.
That, and also a quick reminder to myself, that being careful, methodical,
subtle, tactful, and skilful are values I hold. Being forceful at the
risk of breaking what I am trying to build, furniture or otherwise,
is simply not congruent, or in integrity with those values.
Using finesse is. I quickly recovered and remembered another of my reminders.
When at first you don't succeed, try other ways with less effort. A
quote from Van Gogh also played in my head. "I am always doing what
I do not know how to do, in order to learn how to do it".
When I stop assuming that I should know how to do something, I no longer
feel the urgency to complete it quickly. And I also notice that the
more I live in congruence with my values, the more I experience well-being,
optimism and mastery.
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