" T H E   S U R E   W A Y
T O   B E   C H E A T E D
I S   T O   T H I N K
O N E' S   S E L F
M O R E   C U N N I N G
T H A N   O T H E R S "
Francois de la Rochefoucauld

" T H E   F I R S T
A N D   W O R S T
O F   A L L   F R A U D S
I S  T O   C H E A T
O N E' S   S E L F "
Pearl Bailey

" I   W A S   T H R O W N
O U T   O F   S C H O O L
F O R   C H E A T I N G   O N
A   M E T A P H Y S I C S
E X A M;
I   L O O K E D   I N T O
T H E   S O U L   O F
T H E   P E R S O N
S I T T I N G   N E X T
T O   M E "
Woody Allen

This essay is a continuation of the one I wrote last month called Magical Thinking. I invite you to read last month's essay first, if you have not already, and perhaps even if you have, just to refresh your memory.
____________________________________________________________


Maximilian no longer needed to be tall to feel good about himself.

He had made things better being short. He had helped the basketball team to start winning games again.

When anyone asked the basketball team, "How did you start playing better?" they would simply say, "In Short, we learned that we can make things better."

Maximilian did not mind being called Short anymore. He was a basketball hero even if he did not score any winning baskets.

"I have fully accepted that being Short is who I am," he said brightly. "I no longer make myself small for being short."

The girls smiled and whispered to each other when he walked into the classroom. They had heard from the basketball team how he had helped them play better.

The band director let him pound on the bass drum everyday after band practice was over.

Maximilian had a best friend. Everyone called him "Horse." His real name was Horace but no one went to the trouble of calling him that.

"Short is my best friend," he would say, hoping the other students would now show him some respect.

"The Horse is hoarse," people said when his chronic post-nasal drip was particularly bad and his throat congested.

Horse had thick glasses. "I am very near-sighted," he said. His lenses made his eyes look twice their size.

"Twice the size, half the distance," he liked to say.

Unlike Maximilian, he seldom studied anything, not even magic.

On test days, he attached an extra set of lenses to his glasses.

"I need them to see my test paper," he said to the teachers. "I am very near-sighted."

They were actually lenses from his Dad's high-powered bird watching binoculars.

"My glasses are heavy. My neck hurts if I lean over my test paper too long," he complained.

"Sit up and stretch your neck," the teachers said.

Horse would sit up and turn his head from side to side like a periscope. He could scan the room to find the smartest students and see their test papers closer than his own.

"How do you get good marks without studying?" Maximilian asked.

"Magic," he said. "You would get good marks too if you were better at magic."

He had watched Maximilian untie all the knots in his good tie after the disappearing knot trick had backfired on him.

No one, not even Horse, knew that Maximilian was able to do magical thinking. He could make people say what he was thinking in order to make things better.

"If you really know magic then you should always get 100%," Maximilian said. He was a little suspicious, knowing that Horse had laughed at him for studying magic.

"I always make sure I get a respectable number of test items wrong," Horse said. "I do not want the smartest students to feel bad about themselves for getting only 99%."

And if I got 100%, the teachers might want to have a closer look at my glasses, he thought.

Horse is not usually kind to people, thought Maximilian. He remembered the cruel magic tricks Horse suggested.

"You could make Suzie pass loud gas in class," he said with a wicked snicker.

Suzie was a very popular and a very smart girl. Maximilian had made her say that she really liked short boys. That was before he realized that he must be more responsible with his magical thinking abilities.

Why would Horse worry about anyone feeling bad if he wanted to embarrass them in class, Maximilian wondered?

"Magic is for doing good things," he said to Horse. "I want to use it to make things better."

Maximilian watched Horse out of the corner of his eye during the next test. He sat across the aisle from him.

"Keep your eyes on your own paper, Maximilian," the teacher said sternly, as Horse sat up and scanned the room.

Horse seemed to pause when he came to one of the smartest students, like Suzie, and then he quickly wrote his answers without reading the questions.

"I think you are cheating," said Maximilian. "I have never seen you study magic or anything else."

"Prove it," said Horse. "You are just jealous."

Suzie was willing to talk to Maximilian even though she did not really like very short boys.

"Suzie has studied hard for the biology test," he said to Horace. "She told me she expects a mark of almost 100%."

"Good for her," said Horace with a sneer. Suzie really did not like very near-sighted boys with chronic post-nasal drip.

The periscope paused on Suzie.

Suzie was writing quickly and soon had her test completed. She sat quietly, checking her answers.

Horse wrote quickly too. He turned in his completed test paper to the teacher without bothering to check his answers. He did not know the right ones.

"When you complete your test, you can go to recess," the teacher said.

Maximilian's magical thinking was still working. She had said exactly what he had imagined.

Horse disappeared out the door.

Suzie began erasing and changing her answers.

"I flunked the test," Horse said in complete disbelief. "I got 25%."

"A monkey could get 25% by chance," Maximilian replied. "Did your magic backfire?"

Horse glared at him.

"Well, you will not have to worry about Suzie feeling bad for only getting 99%," Maximilian said.

Horse's jaw dropped.

"Is there something wrong?" Maximilian asked.

"There must be something wrong with my glasses," Horse said.

"Perhaps we should have a look at your glasses," the teacher said. "It is not like you to get only 25%."

She said exactly what Maximilian had thought.

Horse froze.

"Oh, look at the lovely little bird outside in the tree. It looks like it is sitting right on my desk," the teacher exclaimed.

"And I can see all the answers on Suzie's test paper from here. She got 99%."

"There is nothing wrong with your glasses, Horace. You did not study, did you? Tell the truth now," the teacher said.

Horse tried clearing his throat. "I did not study, that is the truth," He said in a hoarse voice.

Not quite good enough, Maximilian thought. It has to get better.

"I cheated," Horse blurted out, as if he could not stop the words.

"You cheated and you only got 25%?" the teacher asked, raising her eyebrows.

"He copied all my answers," Suzie said from across the classroom. "Before I changed them."

"I studied very hard," she added and smiled brightly at the teacher.

The teacher looked quietly at Horse.

"Well," she said. "I guess that proves it. What do you have to say for yourself?"

Horse was looking down at his desk where he could clearly see his test paper with 25%.

Maximilian was thinking hard.

"I just want people to have respect for me," Horse said. "I don't want them to make fun of me."

"Stop making fun of yourself, " Suzie spoke up unexpectedly. "Twice the size, half the distance is not a nice thing to say, just because you are very near-sighted."

"Yah, stop making fun of yourself and we will stop making fun of you for being hoarse," others said.

Horse sat quietly listening.

"And when I cheat, I am not respectful of others who have studied," he said. "I see that now." He paused. "I have been very near-sighted."

"You have learned a valuable lesson today, Horace," the teacher said.

Maximilian smiled. He had made things better.





© C O P Y R I G H T   2 0 0 5.  Gary Holdgrafer ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.